My best friend (who works at State Farm) just called me, so excited, saying she met a cute boy at work, whose name is Jake. She likes Jake from State Farm.She sounds hideous.
Well she’s a guy so
What is Jake from state farm wearing?
me: *eats Taco Bell*
* 4 hours later *
I told my mom I didn’t wanna go to the store with her
police officer: you're under arrest for shooting someone in the chest
me: whoever made the rhyme did the crime(:
police officer: haha i have to give you credit for that one dude you're off the hook
I found this in my little sister’s notebook. Her crush, Drew, seems like quite the guy
baby: d... d... d...
father: ...dad? omg you are going to say dad as your first word!!!
baby: d... dONT WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT
baby: *guitar sounds from baby's mouth*