sideb00b:

flyingnimbus9:

swaggersbacktotheimpala:

engage-with-zorp:

sideb00b:

My best friend (who works at State Farm) just called me, so excited, saying she met a cute boy at work, whose name is Jake. She likes Jake from State Farm.

She sounds hideous.

Well she’s a guy so

What is Jake from state farm wearing?

khakis

cyberho:

me: *eats Taco Bell*

* 4 hours later *

me:

image

1nd2rd3st:

ridge:

do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed 

495,571 people whose mama taught them right

drdrevevo:

I told my mom I didn’t wanna go to the store with her

drdrevevo:

I told my mom I didn’t wanna go to the store with her

police officer: you're under arrest for shooting someone in the chest
me: whoever made the rhyme did the crime(:
police officer: haha i have to give you credit for that one dude you're off the hook

boobfest:

thanks

takenbythe-wind:

I found this in my little sister’s notebook. Her crush, Drew, seems like quite the guy

takenbythe-wind:

I found this in my little sister’s notebook. Her crush, Drew, seems like quite the guy

eldiablocabra:

awkwardvagina:

alvxandra:

oh look it’s the leader of the free world breaking the cardinal rule of chipotleimage

image

"Retract your arm immediately, Mr. President" 

baby: d... d... d...
father: ...dad? omg you are going to say dad as your first word!!!
baby: d... dONT WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT
baby: *guitar sounds from baby's mouth*